whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
