I'd wear matching sweaters with you
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
