you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Randomize
