i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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