would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
