well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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