I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
