i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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