I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
