hell yes lets make some ravioli
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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