help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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