remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
