hell yes lets make some ravioli
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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