I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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