I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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