I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
