i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
