Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
