oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
