i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
