We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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