She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
