The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
