Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
