K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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