OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
