i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
