so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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