She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I think people are normalizing furries
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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