I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize