Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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