I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
