good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
