Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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