Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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