I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
