you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
