I wanna bring you to show and tell
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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