it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
