What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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