Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
