My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
