I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
