I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
