I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize