Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
