The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
