my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
