so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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