She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
