Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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