im holly from the hills drunk
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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