hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
