Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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