I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
