we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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