Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Actions speak louder than pants.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
