Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
