i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
