New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
