Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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