This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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