I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
NoShamevember. You game?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
