You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
