Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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