I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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