How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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