Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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