I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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