I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
