Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
