So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
