If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
