don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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