Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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