I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
