I'm so fucking centered right now
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
