I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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